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Relationship counselling agencies report that a growing number of couples are now seeking help due to infidelity online or to one partner accessing adult websites.

How much of a problem it is, depends on the degree and type of access and what it means in the context of the marriage.

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This should be time you have alone perhaps when the children are in bed and to make sure it is distraction free (with the computer and TV turned off).

In addition, try to have at least one special evening a week when you get a baby-sitter when you can do some new things together. The biggest prize of a successful marriage is closeness and intimacy – which allow a couple to accept and support one another on a deep level.

The days of hiding behind pseudonymous usernames seemednumbered.

But a funny thing happened on the way to an authentic internet: Anonymity came back into vogue.

Moving forward In the aftermath of discovering your husband’s online world, it is perfectly understandable that you might feel disgusted and betrayed and to worry as to how much you can trust your husband.

You might benefit from going to counselling especially if you feel traumatised and need to the help of an impartial listener to process some of the feelings.

Real intimacy is created in everyday communication, in the nitty-gritty of sharing a life together and in the hard work of resolving conflicts and accepting the other person as different to you.

There was a time in internet history, not too long ago, when it looked like realness might prevail.

To move forward, it is important that you continue to talk to your husband and try to understand the extent of his difficulties and what the underlying issues are for him.

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