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She does have sex, however, and she enjoys it, which I know isn't disqualifying.
But she also actively seeks out sex partners and sex.
And if you find yourself getting annoyed when your ace-identified friend starts in on how she doesn't really "need" all the sex she's having, ACE, do what I used to do when I had to listen to guys I knew for a fact were having tons of gay sex (because they were having it with me) go on and on about how they didn't really "need" cock: smile, nod, roll 'em over, and fuck 'em in the ass again.
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I'm a straight man who gets hit on fairly often by women, mostly at the gym. What I'm trying to communicate is "You're an attractive person who put yourself out there and I don't want to crush your spirit with a curt 'No.'" What is your take, Dan?
I usually respond with a variation on "I would be interested but I'm married." Some of my friends argue that by saying, "I'm interested but I'm married," I'm telegraphing an interest in some sort of affair. Mutual Attraction Rarely Results In Erotic Dalliances Which is it, MARRIED: "I would be interested but I'm married" or "I am interested but I'm married"?
But just as asexuality is a thing, ACE, so too is bullshit.
Denial is a thing, and sex shame is an incredibly destructive thing.
Like the guy who has a lot of gay sex but refuses to identify as gay or bi, it's possible your friend is just a messy closet case—a closeted sexual, someone who wants sex but doesn't want to be seen as the kind of person who wants sex since only bad people want sex.
Some people twist themselves into the oddest knots so they can have what they want without having to admit they want it.
But, again, she insists that because she doesn't "need" sex the way she presumes the rest of us do, she is asexual. I've never had partnered sex and never really felt the need or desire for it.
I'm plenty happy with emotional intimacy from others and masturbation for my sexual needs, and I do not particularly desire a romantic or sexual partner.
But when you say, "I am interested but I'm married," that can be read very differently: I'm down to fuck but—full disclosure—I'm married.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating